Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
