She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
