I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
