just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
