You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
