A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
