i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
