We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
