he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
