My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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