I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
