the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
