She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
