Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
