Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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