i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
