the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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