Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
