I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
