Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.