I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
