Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
