How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
