Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
