making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
