Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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