I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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