another moral hangover. fuck.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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