After last night, I could never be a politician.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
