i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
