I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
