im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Your face is a jimmy john
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
