I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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