you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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