You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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