you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence