His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
