its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
