oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend