Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher