its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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