from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How's work?
Spinning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
