We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
