I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
