My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
