i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!