Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This house was built for laser tag.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.