those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?