Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.