I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.