girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
