guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him