I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative