I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
