I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
