so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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