four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize