Everything about him screamed your future.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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