look no pants
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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