if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
