it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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