You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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