Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
