BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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