The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
