Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize