My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
