to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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