Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
