You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
