I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
