Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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