just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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