there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
