proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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