I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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