My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
