he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
