We won't sleep together?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
