waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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