One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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