I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
