I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
