Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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