what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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