very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
