we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
