HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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