Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub

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(239): View more from Florida

Missed another period

(1-239): View more from Florida

I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.

Fav 10 1520 4012
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(828): View more from North Carolina

after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."

Fav 16 3448 1134
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(712): View more from Iowa

You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?

Fav 11 978 1961
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.

Fav 8 1680 752
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.

Fav 1 855 625
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."

Fav 4 633 589
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(407): View more from Florida

Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??

Fav 6 23 72
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(734): View more from Michigan

i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation

Fav 0 21 9
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